So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ATM looks so different sober.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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