dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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