i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
the gays at disneyland are vicious
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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