there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
