I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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