I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
