i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
