if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I can text with my tongue
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
