...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
