what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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