i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
