No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
