yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Less talking, more tequila
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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