"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
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The beers last night were like the tears from god
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
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Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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