also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
