i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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