the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
