I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Someone came in the potted fern
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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