just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
how does that bad decision feel?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
