Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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