Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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