We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Houston, we have a blender
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
