we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
