420 ftw
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
