what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
