You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You are the jesus of drinking
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
