had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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