No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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