No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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