This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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