so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Sext me about skeletons
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
