My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
