I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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