love makes seman taste better
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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