I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize