he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
