Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Randomize
