alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Randomize
