my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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