I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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