Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
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i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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