I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
