too bad you live with your parents still
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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