bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
