i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
