I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
