My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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