i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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