Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
