It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
