Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Randomize
