my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
