like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
