forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got inside last night via doggy door
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
