im drinking this country out of the recession.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
