I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
