so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
