I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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