Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
