I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
