I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
