So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
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