Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
home. puking in laundry basket.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize
