In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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