On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
