I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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