Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
