how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
