I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
