it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
