Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
