I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
