It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
