look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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